Suffocate Read online

  “After we say hello to Stuart why don’t you let Kellar get you seated and something to eat,” my suggestion calms her down slightly. “I bet if he looks hard enough he can find you something with fruit.”

  Her face scrunches. “I don’t want fruit! I’m tired of fruit! I want—”

  “A cupcake.” Stuart appears in front of us with a mini one in his hand. “And it’s chocolate.”

  Maxx reaches for it. Quickly, I move my hand to stop her. “The sugar—”

  “Is going to be the only thing that saves me from killing you,” she answers as I drop my hand.

  “Fine.” I shove that hand in my pocket. “It’s your health you’re ruining.”

  “Happily.” She snatches the cupcake and kisses Stuart on the cheek. “Thank you.”

  “Figured since you couldn’t drink you’d need that.”

  “You’re a good friend,” she says in an emotional voice touching his cheek.

  “A place for us to sit?” Kellar questions.

  “Straight back, to the left there’s a couch,” he instructs and Kellar nods at the direction before helping Maxx that way.

  Once out of sight the Kid smirks, “Uncle Stuart—”

  “I’m sure your ‘rents already told you no alcohol,” he cuts him off.

  “Damn it,” Dean grumbles.

  “Mouth.” I elbow him before he wanders off.

  My sister tosses her arms around Stuart. “Congrats on your big showing!”

  “Thanks.” He hugs her tightly, eyes yet to meet mine still.

  That sort of hurts. No. I didn’t admit that out loud. You misheard me.

  “C.J. told me how hard you’d been working.” After a sip of champagne, she continues, “And some of the prices your pictures go for...it’s like oh my god!”

  “They sell well?” I enter the conversation.

  Erin smirks at me.

  I hate when she smiles like that.

  “Oh didn’t you know? Stuart’s photos go for thousands. Double digits lately. He’s kind of a big deal.” She leaves me with an opening line for a private conversation. “Where is my tall, dark, and dominant boyfriend?”

  Not exaggerating. C.J. is tall, dark, and handsome like a New Age Prince Charming. His features are completely opposite his best friend who I happen to be attracted too. Their friendship reminds me of salt and pepper. You may prefer one, but they work wonders together.

  With a crooked smile Stuart points to the left. “Trying to sell my piece to a cougar.”

  My sister’s eyes flash with rage before she storms off in a huff.

  “Did you do that on purpose?” I question softly.

  “What can I say? I know some people’s true colors show when they’re pushed a little.” The words are said so slowly it feels like a prelude to something.

  Did you pick up on that too?

  “Thanks for coming,” Stuart brightly says folding his arms across his chest.

  “Wouldn’t miss it.”

  “Hm,” he hums.

  I open my mouth to respond when an extremely attractive gentleman appears over his shoulder. “Stuart...”

  If he didn’t look like Tom Hardy it would be much easier to be upset.

  With a wide grin, one that I feel can only be shared with someone you’ve been intimate with, Stuart says, “Brandon...”

  “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

  “Well you found me.”

  “How about that drink? Rumor has it I’m going to need one to see what’s in the Dark Room.” Brandon smiles seductively not even giving me a second glance.

  On a short chortle, Stuart teases, “You might need two.” Turning his attention back to me he says, “If you’ll excuse me. I do hope you enjoy the showing.”

  I nod and allow him to walk away, fury creeping up the back of my neck in a very unfamiliar way.

  What the hell is that? I’m not...I’m not jealous. I have no reason to be jealous. We’re just friends. And yeah. That’s my fault.

  Chapter 4

  Stuart

  Yeah. I know it was a dick move, but what do you want from me? I’m a little upset even though I know I have no right to be. It’s not like that’s the first time a guy has used me. It’s not like I can jump into a relationship even if that’s what he wanted. It just...hurt. Yes. I’m being a child about it. Sue me. I dare ya. C.J. will get me out of it. It’s what he does.

  “You think Blaine will love it?” Brandon questions about one of my erotic photos in the Dark Room, which is completely dark except for the black lights causing the photos to appear more exotic in the combination of poses, positions, and pigmentation.

  “Which one?”

  “That one.” He points to one of a male form with a pair of sweats barely hanging on. The abs, the cut, and the flow of his body in the side shot look like a beautiful wave. “I think it’d be a great addition to our in home gym.”

  “Your gym? As what? Motivation?”

  “Sure.” Brandon playfully winks. After I smirk he says, “So, that was your boyfriend?”

  “No,” I quickly answer.

  “Lover?”

  “No.”

  “One nightstand?”

  “Just...a friend.”

  Brandon nods slowly, a look of judgment on his face as he brings his Manhattan to his lips.

  “Oh, what?”

  “I saw the way he looked at me when I took you away,” he states. “He’s just as smitten as you are.”

  “I’m not...I’m not smitten,” I clarify. “And if you recall, my relationship luck isn’t the best.”

  Understatement. The way I rebounded after my last one is the exact reason starting one with Luke isn’t a fucking option. It’s one mistake I will pay for, for the rest of my life.

  “It’s not,” Brandon sighs before he counters, “but all it takes is just one person to change that. Look at me. Do you remember how quickly I went through guys before Blaine?”

  “Like tissues during allergy season? How could I forget? We’ve crossed lovers more than once,” the comment makes us chuckle at the same time C.J. and his girlfriend enter the room.

  “There you are!” C.J. exclaims loudly.

  Brandon smiles and nods at me. “This one is mine. Do not sell it to anyone else.”

  “My word.”

  As he walks away Erin gives a slight glare before snapping her head at me. “Is he the reason my brother is extra grouchy now?”

  Fighting the pride that’s trying to swell in my chest, I shrug. “What?”

  “Luke,” she huffs loudly. “He’s normally the least fun at a party, but he looks like he’s climbing to an entire new level. Pretty sure I saw him snap at the waiter for his bow tie being crooked.”

  I snicker and C.J. shakes his head, “Do not play this game Stuart.” My mouth drops to argue and he points at me. “No bullshit. You know what’s at stake—”

  “What’s at stake?” Erin interrupts.

  “His future,” C.J. spills for me.

  Big mouth much?

  “His entire future. So stop fucking with Luke because you can’t resist the urge to wanna get laid and THINK for once in your life,” he chews me out to the point my mouth screws tightly. “Let him go. It’s best for both of you.”

  I know he’s fucking right. I hate that he’s fucking right. You know what I hate more? The fact I don’t know if I can, but I know that I have to.

  Chapter 5

  Luke

  I try to keep my eyes focused on the beautiful black and white photo in front of me. My head travels to the left on it’s own where Stuart is tossing his head back in laughter next to the guy who took him away from me earlier and three other extremely attractive men.

  Did he invite every male model he knows here?

 
“Stare harder Uncle Luke,” the Kid pipes up from beside me. “Maybe he’ll hear your thoughts.” When my head rolls back around to glare at him he snickers. “Man you’re easy...”

  “Remember who helps you pass your classes.”

  “The cute blonde with tight red sweater?” his head tilts to the side before I make a sound of disgust. “I was just kidding Uncle Luke.”

  “Same sense of humor as your father. Terrible.”

  “It’s like wine Uncle Luke. It’s an acquired taste.”

  “You don’t even drink.”

  “Legally.” At the sight of my shocked face he throws his head backwards while laughing.“I swear Uncle Stuart is the only person who gets you this flustered. It’s fucking hilarious.”

  “Mouth,” I reprimand him. “And I’m not flustered.”

  “So the red in your cheeks?”

  “It’s warm in here.”

  “And the nervous fidgeting?”

  “Don’t you have an adult you should be convincing to give you a drink?”

  “Don’t you have an Uncle Stuart to be convincing to give you a chance?”

  I give another glare that makes Dean chuckle louder. My eyes wander over just as Stuart places his arm suggestively around the taller of two African American men who looks at him with a look I’m quite familiar with. Another annoyed growl leaves me and I tug at the color of my shirt. “I need some air.”

  “You need some Uncle Stuart,” the Kid teases.

  “Don’t make me ground you.”

  “You can’t ground me.”

  “I have that kind of pull.”

  The wheels in his head slowly turn before he denies, “You...you can’t.”

  “You wanna see what your mother will do for another cupcake?” the threat causes his dark blue eyes to widen. “Exactly.” Stuart’s laugh travels to my ears and I shut my eyes briefly before pointing at him. “Shut it.”

  You too.

  The Kid smirks but doesn’t say another word before I storm off towards the stairs past where he’s huddled, doing my best not to catch his eyes.

  Fresh air will help. I promise you, I’m more stable than this. I’m sure it looks hard to believe, but I am. I swear.

  Taking three flights of stairs up leaks me out onto the roof top letting the cool night air hit me like a punch in the face.

  A much needed punch might I add.

  Thankful to be away from the haunting sound of Stuart’s laugh and the judging eyes of my sister, I stroll around the empty gravel space admiring the city lights I haven’t stopped to enjoy since I was 18.

  There isn’t time when you’re trying to help your sick mother.

  I walk over to the edge of the building, hands gripping the railing as the busy street looks like something out of a three years old’s playroom. The world is constantly moving and rushing, not stopping to take care of themselves, leading people like me to always take care of them.

  Not that I’m complaining. I love what I do. I love taking care of people at work and at home, but sometimes...sometimes I swear I don’t leave time to take care of me. It’s been over a decade of devoting my life to those who rely on me.

  The honking of horns and shouting from down below lulls me into a trance where I get lost in myself. In this state of cogitation, my mind slows down allowing me to become calmer.

  Unsure of how much time has passed, I’m startled by a voice. “You okay?”

  I glance over my shoulder at Stuart who’s loosened his top two buttons, the cross tattoo on his chest peeking out. Turning back around to face the building I was absentmindedly staring at I answer, “I’m fine.”

  “That’s why you’re all alone on the roof?” His feet sound like they’re reverberating off the city buildings. “Because you’re fine?”

  Fighting the urge to snap I clear my throat. “Shouldn’t you be downstairs at your party instead of up here chasing after me?”

  “I’ve chased you for months, why would I stop now?”

  His comeback shuts my mouth.

  Did he really say that?

  Stuart leans against the railing beside me a smug look on his face. “So what bothers you most Luke? The fact you said you wanted to pretend nothing happened or the fact that I am?”

  Swallowing the bitter taste of my words I question, “So is that what’s happening downstairs? You’re rubbing it in my face that I made a mistake?”

  “So you made a mistake?”

  “Yes.”

  “What was the mistake exactly? Saying that nothing happened or the fact that it did?”

  “I don’t—”

  “Because I’m not sure what the fuck you expect from me? I’ve expressed interest in you several times. You run burning hot and one breath later you’re ice cold.”

  “You’re much better?”

  “I typically only run hot Nurse Man.”

  Briefly at a loss for words, I stumble over the ones I do find. “Well—I—it’s just—”

  “What do you expect me to do? To follow you around like a puppy?”

  “I don’t—”

  “Because I won’t do that,” he cuts me off again. “I fucking won’t.” Stuart looks up at the sky and deeply sighs, “I can’t....” My eyes float over to admire his stretched out neck that I’ve spent months wondering how it tastes. “I just...can’t.”

  In a soft voice I ask, “Then why are you up here?”

  “Because I want you to admit that I’m right. I want you to admit that you liked what happened between us. That you want me as bad as I want you.” The words fly out of his mouth, the light catching the small ball on his tongue. “That it’s killing you to see me downstairs in other people’s arms. I want you to admit, right here, right now that the reason it’s driving you so fucking crazy is because you can’t control this situation.” Hearing the words tenses my hands on the railing. “Because you can’t control me. Because you can’t pick and choose when I show my feelings for you. Because you can’t control how you feel about me.”

  Don’t agree with him. He’s wrong.

  “Admit it.” He pushes further taking a step closer to me, the heat radiating off him hot enough to make you question what season it is. “Admit you want me.” When he sees I’m not going to respond his eyes drift down to my lips for a moment before he whispers out, “Fine. Don’t admit it....but if you want me...take me.” My hands twitch at the hunger. “Now.”

  Lunging for him, I wrap a hand around his nape and yank his lips harshly against mine.

  Let’s not judge my lack of self-control. He asked for it!

  A loud moan seeps out of him, pouring fuel on the fire of my tongue’s assault on his. Our tongues fight for control of the situation, mine being willing to submit due to the distraction his tongue ring is presenting. Stuart’s hands grab a hold of my waist pulling me into him further, his hard body vibrating against mine. Our kiss gets heavier as my body shifts his so it’s pushed up against the railing, trapping him in place. My hands frantically move down to his pants at the same time my lips travel to his neck tasting something sweeter than I ever imagined.

  Holy hell...

  Stuart lets his neck fall back groaning in pleasure again the minute my hand covers his bulging erection. “Damn...”

  “This what you want?” I growl sexually frustrated. “For me to take you?” My hand strokes his cock again, another groan leaking out as his answer. “For me to just fuck you right here?” When he repeats the sound, it spurs me to spin his body around before firmly pressing my dick against his ass. “For me to fuck you right now?” My mouth plants itself forcefully on his neck, teeth sinking in sharply.

  Stuart howls my name, “Luke...”

  Exploring one side with my tongue and teeth, I migrate to the other to give it similar attention. After getting a small fill of him, I heavily
moisten two of my fingers with my mouth and aggressively push them in the place my cock is aching to be.

  He grips the railing bracing himself, “Damn.”

  In his ear, in a voice that’s not my own, I snarl, “I do want you.” My two fingers pull out, roll around in my mouth again, and return to prep my spot. “So I’m going to fucking have you.”

  The words are out of my mouth before I have time to process the fact I’m not equipped to just take him on the rooftop.

  I’m a goddamn nurse for Christ Sake! I know to always be prepared! Always!

  “Pocket,” “Pocket,” Stuart moans the answer to my problems while pushing back against my fingers forcing them deeper.

  In a swift movement, his pants are down, my cock is wrapped and shoved in a hole that in no way is fully prepared for it. Stuart grips the railing tighter, clearly uncomfortable, but just as desperate for me to continue as I am to do it. Tugging his hips back towards me, I give him everything I’ve got. With my cock buried deep inside him I moan breathlessly. With a rumble of satisfaction, I pump into him ruthlessly, repeatedly, the tightness around my cock suffocating. My grip on his hips is to the point of bruising as I reach a spot so deep inside his knees buckle.

  “I can’t...” Stuart mutters into the night air. “I can’t take much more.”

  “Then don’t,” I reply.

  A few sharp breaths later, Stuart lets out an orgasmic sound that rolls through his body and straight into mine pulling my own out of me on a similar cry. Limp, my body falls against his, the sweat on his neck calling to my tongue for another taste. In slight disbelief over what I just did, I push the gnawing feeling of irresponsibility down and enjoy the fact I just received exactly what I had been dreaming about for months.

  Can you honestly say you’ve never acted on impulse and lost a little bit of self-control before?

  Chapter 6

  Stuart

  “I can’t believe I have to have your child!” Sara sneers at me from the opposite end of my apartment, close to the front door, hands planted on my modern style misshaped chair.