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  Now in Bailey’s room, I try not to let the sight of the machines instill even more grief than that which is already strangling me. In a voice I hardly recognize, I quietly state, “Em…Mommy needs you to wake up.”

  Her mouth stretches and her eyes reluctantly lift. “But I’m so sleepy…”

  “I know, angel,” I choke out. “But I need you to say goodbye to Daddy…”

  Em’s face lifts up with obvious confusion. “Why? Where’s he going? New hospital?”

  Slowly approaching, I do my best to explain what feels like the impossible. “Remember how Mommy and Daddy told you about your aunt Emma?”

  “The one with the purple hair!” She exclaims. “Daddy said I could do that to my hair when I was all my fingers and toes. I think that’s twenty.”

  “It is twenty,” my voice shakes. “Do you remember how we told you Aunt Emma went to keep the angels company?”

  Her tiny head bobs. “Daddy said she went to make the angels laugh.”

  “Well now Aunt Emma needs Daddy’s help to make those same angels smile.”

  She frowns and the ferocious ache pounds throughout my entire body. “But we need Daddy too!”

  “We do, baby.” Tears trickle down my cheek as I kiss the side of her forehead. “But they need him more…” Unable to explain the unfairness of life and death, or the poetic injustice we’ve been delivered throughout the years, I quietly request, “Can you give Daddy one last kiss and tell him we’ll see him when the angels need us some day?”

  Em pouts, but leans over to plant a kiss on his forehead. “I’ll miss you Daddy…” As if some sort of realization about the situation is settling in, her tiny voice whispers, “I love you. Always have. Always will.”

  The classic words crush any remaining willpower I have to stop from sobbing.

  Like a savior, Thomas swoops Emma out of my arms, and calmly says, “Come on, monster. Mommy needs to stay with Daddy alone for a minute.”

  “To get all her boo-hoos out?”

  “To get out some,” his voice fades, but not before I hear him say, “They’ll never be all gone no matter how hard she tries. That’s just what life is like when you’re a grown up and lose someone to the angels…”

  My body collapses into the chair that’s at his bedside. The sound of the machine mocks me the same way a ticking clock does when time won’t move fast enough. Relentlessly, I sob my voice tremulous as I try to speak. “I hate you, Bailey Cooper.” My chest pangs with every attempt to continue. “I hate you so much. I hate everything about you. I hate that I met you. I hate that you were my best friend. I hate that I fell in love with you and just stayed there for over a decade….I hate the way you smile. I hate the way you laugh. I hate the way you kiss me good morning and good night. I hate the way you spent the last four years of our life dedicated to doing whatever it took to keep us together…” I slump down in my seat and shake my head. “I hate that you gave us the most precious gift and are just gonna leave it behind for me to raise. For me to explain your absence. I hate that I have another in my stomach that will never know the amazing man its father was. You know what I hate most?” There’s a long, lull filled with more crying. “You wanna know what I hate the most, Bailey Cooper? That I have no idea when I’m going to see you again…That unlike before I can’t keep tabs on you or believe in the impossible that we’re just going to magically run into each other again. I hate…I hate that you were right when you said only death could keep us apart because you were right. Now it is.”

  It takes what feels like hours for the tears to stop coming. Once the only thing left inside me is a deep, hollow ache from where a half of my soul is missing, I buzz the nurse to let her know it’s time.

  The on-call doctor enters the room, informs me of the procedure that is to follow, but explains they will step out of the room to allow me the final moment alone with my husband. I watch, frozen in misery, hand clutching his, as the machine is turned off and his life inches towards the end.

  They disappear, right outside the door leaving the sound of my heart thrumming to reverberate around the room. I stare on at my sleeping husband, the list of our most important moments together in an endless loop of love and loss spinning around in the back of my mind.

  Knowing this is it, the last chance he’ll ever get to hear me, I say the words that have been the reigning truth of our relationship in spite of our hardships. “I love you, Bailey Cooper. Always have. Always will.”

  And like an echoed goodbye, the machine flat lines.

  Thank you for taking the time to read this book.

  Did you enjoy it? If you did, please take a minute to leave a review! It’s greatly appreciated and can make a difference!

  Thank You!

  This is usually where I list a long line of thank yous to the magical people who make writing books possible. However, this time, rather than name everyone individually I would like to expand a warmer, broader thank you to anyone and everyone who has ever had love in their heart or a dream in their mind. You are the foundation for more than you realize and for that you all deserved to be thanked.

  So, I say it again.

  Thank you.

  Until next time….

  Enjoyed this book?

  Check out the Blue Dream Duet (Includes an HEA in Part 2)

  Blue Dream (Part 1)

  First love. Last love. Only love. Well, at least that's how Ryder Collins thinks of the girl he lost because of his addiction ten years ago. While Ryder is battling the demons of his past to save his future, he will start to question the nightmare that has become his reality and the illusive blue dream that he swears started it all.

  Purple Haze (Part 2)

  Second chance. Last chance. Only chance. Well, at least that's how Ryder Collins feels when he's reconnected with the lost love of his life. While Ryder is battling the grim reality outside of rehab, he will be forced to face his past mistakes and the possible pitfalls of his present. Will the purple haze he's relit be enough to keep him moving towards a beautiful future or will Ryder Collins repeat his misguided history?

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  Blind

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  Adrenaline Series (Romance/ Romantic Suspense)

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